March 14, 2010

Verse of the Day
"We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Song of the Day
God is Faithful by Sheila Walsh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yI8UhnIn8s
I would recommend listening to this song after you read the rest of the blog. It will take on more meaning.

Food
The kids enjoyed the cake, ice cream and juice thoroughly. Mr. Fix-it is definitely wanting yum-yums.

"Stuff" Detachment
Ditched two of Mr. Fix-its light jackets that had dust collecting on them because of lack of use and a pair of shorts that needed to be thrown out two years ago. It is so much easier to go and get rid of his stuff than mine.

Spiritual Growth
Interestingly, today's topic in my book "Searching for and Maintaining Peace" by Fr. Jacques Philippe is "The Fear of Suffering". Suffering is a part of this world. We have all experienced it in one degree or another. Doesn't this contradict the words of the Gospel? "No,. . .He never leaves us deprived of what is essential: His presence, His peace and all that is necessary for the complete fulfillment of our lives according to His plans for us. If He permits suffering, then it is our strength to believe, as Therese of Lisieux says, that 'God does not permit unnecessary suffering.'" He goes on to explain that we should do what we can to eliminate it, relieve it, but that it will always remain in our personal lives and the world.

"The wisdom of man can only produce works on a human level. Only the Wisdom of God can realize things divine, and it is to divine heights that it destines us." We need the confidence of a child in God, in His Love and in His Wisdom.

I had two poignant experiences in my life where the Bible verse above was one that helped to carry me through. The first was when I was 24, engaged, wedding completely planned, dresses in, everything done. Then the bomb dropped as I heard these words from my fiance "Something is wrong in my life." That was the beginning of the end. I was absolutely in shock, never for a second saw it coming. Yet, I was never mad, everyone else was mad. I wasn't mad. I didn't want someone marrying me that didn't want to marry me. But the promise that came with the ring and the dreams of our life together were ripped out from under me. Through that time, I remember staying confident that God could bring something good out of a bad situation. The song of the day was a tremendous encouragement. And yes, God was faithful. The next five years were filled with healing and forgiveness and some fun travel with friends and my cousin. This prepared me, so that I was ready when Mr. Fix-it came into my life. I couldn't understand at that time how that experience of suffering could have helped me, but it did. I gained a whole new faith, a strength from within, knowing my Lord would always take care of me. And I now can't imagine a life with anyone, but my wonderful husband, Mr. Fix-it.

The second experience of tremendous suffering was when my mom died 3 years ago. This experience of suffering continues, and 3 years later I can't believe that it still hurts so much to not have my mom. The tears still come easily. I remember after she died walking around wondering how people can be happy. All of a sudden I had become a part of this club that I never knew existed, a club that no one can ever prepare for, you are just thrown into it without a moments notice. One minute you are at home making breakfast for your children. The next minute you are at the hospital saying good-bye to your biggest fan, your hero on earth, your mom. I now look at people who lose a close loved one differently. I never before understood the pain. People who lost their mom fairly young came out of the woodwork, because they got it.

But again God is faithful. Deep down I have that trust that this will be for the better. St. Therese said she would spend her Heaven showering good upon the earth. Well, I think my mom is spending her Heaven showering good upon the earth, all of course through the power of God. The first was Curly. He was born exactly one year and 30 minutes after my mom died. Who could plan that even if you tried? The second is my brother who is on fire for his faith. The third was that my husband got a job 15 months after my mom died. It was at a company that she always wanted Mr. Fix-it to work at.

I don't get mad that my mom died. She was in such tremendous pain, to wish her back would be nothing but pure selfishness. She said just months before she died that as much as she would miss all of us, she was ready to be with Jesus. It is her example that continues to help me get through this. When she would have trouble sleeping because of the pain, she would pray the Rosary. When I had trouble sleeping for months after she died, I, too, said the Rosary. When things were overwhelming, she would say "Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you." When I am overwhelmed with going through life without her support, I say "Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in you." When I get irritable (like tonight), when we got home and I had a headache, had the hiccups, had to go to the bathroom, had my hair hanging in my face and driving me crazy, and was starving, I think of the joy that my mom carried with her in the midst of her chronic never-leaving physical suffering. That sure puts things in perspective real quick. It was nothing short of miraculous. Everyone that knew her could not figure out how she had such joy when she was in such pain. So, even though she is no longer here on earth, her soul continues to shape and mold me in only good ways. I figure if I can follow her lead, I will be just fine.

I knew this would be a hard blog to write, but felt it necessary if not for you than for me and my journey of healing that continues. So, this is why the song above is one of my favorites. It has been the reminder I needed during those rough times. God is faithful.

Today's Menu
Breakfast: peanut butter toast or butter toast with cheese slices, strawberries

Lunch: Birthday party food

Dinner: Left-over party food